I am happy to report that my MRI was clear ! Saturday, while filling my med box, I realized that my pharmacy had switched my 20 mg SR Oxycontin to a 40 mg pill - now I only have to take one pill every morning - not two ! Gee, I wonder if overdosing myself with morphine had anything to do with my symptoms, it may even be what started my respiratory distress. At any rate most of the worrisome symptoms have gone away ( except for daily h/a) and the Prilosec seems to have helped my stomach. I'm still not hungry or even very thirsty but I can eat one or 2 small meals a day.

I'm very restless these days, can't sleep - in the past feeling of restlessness has always been followed by sudden change - not always bad - just an unexpected change. I guess the C in cancer stands for Change and maybe that is what I'm feeling or anticipating. You don't have to have special abilities to know that with cancer there will always be change. I keep asking myself if I'm just waiting to die - I really don't think so. The thought is never far from the surface, more so the last few weeks, but that will fade with time. When I turn out the light to sleep, my consciousness is not overwhelmed with thought s of death - I'm more likely to be worrying about money, or planning my next beading or painting project - giving myself a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Speaking of morning, it is almost 4 am, think I will try to sleep - good night