I have continued to feel pretty good. Had my second dose of Abraxane yesterday - but, and a big but, my labs came back all messed up. My white cell were ok, but my Hgm was down from normal to 8.7, plts down 103, the whole red blood line was way off. So, I went back today to get 2 units of blood.
Other than the above, the runny nose, dry cough, diarrhea has started back, and I do feel a little more run down. From this I have concluded that the Avastin must be causing the worse of the symptoms. I will have to wait until I have a build up Avastin to confirm my theory - may next Monday, then I am off a week, so it could be as long as 3 weeks beforeI know.
Till then I am going to enjoy feeling better.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Day 4
So far so good. Food still taste good and as long as I remember to take my pain meds I feel pretty good. My pain meds keep me from sleeping well but as long as I get some sleep I think I will be OK. Oh, my nose started bleeding Wednesday morning - no biggy
I keep thinking that maybe I won't get so bad this time, or " wow this is a piece of cake". I so want to believe that it will not get any worse - maybe it won't.
Someone on the list brought up wishing her mom was still alive. That reminded me of some unwritten feelings. One of my greatest sadness's is that I had no parents to hold me, love me. So many times I just wanted to be a little girl, if only for a few min. Not having their love was bad enough - but they weren't dead. In fact they lived right down the street from me but as usual, they were to absorbed in themselves to be concerned with what others were going through.
Tim's parents care deeply about me but our religious differences are so vast, I just wasn't comfortable leaning on them. Thank G-d for Tim, a few really good friends and my children. The kids are helpful to varying degrees and then only sometimes. I know this is hard on them and am sure they find it difficult to deal with me on any level but mom. I think I am afraid to allow them in to my illness also. Since Timmy lives with us he has to face the facts more than the other kids.
I keep thinking that maybe I won't get so bad this time, or " wow this is a piece of cake". I so want to believe that it will not get any worse - maybe it won't.
Someone on the list brought up wishing her mom was still alive. That reminded me of some unwritten feelings. One of my greatest sadness's is that I had no parents to hold me, love me. So many times I just wanted to be a little girl, if only for a few min. Not having their love was bad enough - but they weren't dead. In fact they lived right down the street from me but as usual, they were to absorbed in themselves to be concerned with what others were going through.
Tim's parents care deeply about me but our religious differences are so vast, I just wasn't comfortable leaning on them. Thank G-d for Tim, a few really good friends and my children. The kids are helpful to varying degrees and then only sometimes. I know this is hard on them and am sure they find it difficult to deal with me on any level but mom. I think I am afraid to allow them in to my illness also. Since Timmy lives with us he has to face the facts more than the other kids.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Day 2
As planned, I had chemo yesterday. Got there at 11am, they didn't have a bed for me yet so they told me to come back in 30 min. So I go back at 11:30, they access my port, draw my blood work and hook me up to a normal saline drip - I would say that all of this is done by noon.
Now it takes 30 min for each of my chemos to run in - I don't have any premeds or post med or hydration, just 2 drug, each taking 30 min to infuse.
My labs came back OK around 2pm, my chemo did not come up till 4pm - I did not leave there until 5pm - that is ridiculous.
Last night I was nauseated - didn't vomit, just nauseous. That was gone by this morning. My sense of taste has not gotten any worse and I felt pretty good until this afternoon. I tried to help my son and a friend shovel off a load of leaf mold - I was of very little help and was totally exhausted after what little I did. But all in all I can't really complain yet. I am having a lot more pain in my hip and back - that would not be caused by chemo ( explanation: chemo and the hormone prohibitors both can and often do cause a great deal of bone and joint pain) the reason I say that this is not r/t the chemo is because in both areas where I am having pain, I have also had cancer.
Now it takes 30 min for each of my chemos to run in - I don't have any premeds or post med or hydration, just 2 drug, each taking 30 min to infuse.
My labs came back OK around 2pm, my chemo did not come up till 4pm - I did not leave there until 5pm - that is ridiculous.
Last night I was nauseated - didn't vomit, just nauseous. That was gone by this morning. My sense of taste has not gotten any worse and I felt pretty good until this afternoon. I tried to help my son and a friend shovel off a load of leaf mold - I was of very little help and was totally exhausted after what little I did. But all in all I can't really complain yet. I am having a lot more pain in my hip and back - that would not be caused by chemo ( explanation: chemo and the hormone prohibitors both can and often do cause a great deal of bone and joint pain) the reason I say that this is not r/t the chemo is because in both areas where I am having pain, I have also had cancer.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
To chemo or not to chemo
When you have metastatic cancer you learn that the meaning of the term “normal” is always changing. As soon as you get used to one way of spending your days, taking your meds, working, resting, etc, - “normal” changes and you have to figure it out all over again. And, if you’re on chemo “normal” changes almost daily.
I have been 4 weeks without Avastin (due to some problems) and 1 1/2 with out Abraxane. Tomorrow I start my 7th cycle with the normal regiment of drugs ( Abraxane every week for 3 weeks and Avastin on the first and third week, then I get a week off). Well maybe, You see, I have felt so good for the last 5 days and I don’t want it to go away. My norm will take a drastic turn for the worse by this time next week. And by the time I finish this cycle I will have spent the previous week & half and most of the week after in bed.
The reason I said “Maybe” is because I am seriously considering stopping chemo. I want to feel good, I want to have energy to work in my garden, play with my grandchildren, and all the other things that I want to do. To help me make my decision I am going to try and post to my blog everyday or 2 for my next 2 cycles of chemo. I am hoping that at the end I will be able to read back over my journaling and see something about myself, my journey that I haven’t realized before
I have been 4 weeks without Avastin (due to some problems) and 1 1/2 with out Abraxane. Tomorrow I start my 7th cycle with the normal regiment of drugs ( Abraxane every week for 3 weeks and Avastin on the first and third week, then I get a week off). Well maybe, You see, I have felt so good for the last 5 days and I don’t want it to go away. My norm will take a drastic turn for the worse by this time next week. And by the time I finish this cycle I will have spent the previous week & half and most of the week after in bed.
The reason I said “Maybe” is because I am seriously considering stopping chemo. I want to feel good, I want to have energy to work in my garden, play with my grandchildren, and all the other things that I want to do. To help me make my decision I am going to try and post to my blog everyday or 2 for my next 2 cycles of chemo. I am hoping that at the end I will be able to read back over my journaling and see something about myself, my journey that I haven’t realized before
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