Moments of Insight

This week has been filled with somber observations. On Saturday night Tim, Timmy, Gage, Tim's sister and her 2 girls went down to Trade street to hear the music. Of course Gage had a blast with Amelia and Chloe and it was a breezy evening so the heat was tolerable. Tim & Jeanine were sitting beside each other. Then the kids had there chairs bunch up in a circle - sort of between but also in front of Jeanine and my chair then came Timmy's chair. Timmy spent most of the evening playing with and keeping an eye on the kid while us three sat, talked and listen to the music.

About half way through the night I noticed that Jeanine and Tim were just talking away. Because of the 3 chairs between me and Jeanine I was far enough away that I really could not hear what was going on. Now this was OK - I was enjoying the music and watching the kids play. The I saw it, this is what the future would look like without me. It wasn't a sad observation, in fact it gave me comfort - Tim would be OK without me - he would still enjoy life, my children and grandchildren would still be able to laugh, and play, once I was gone. Life really would go on.

The second observation happened today at burger king. I know that having cancer and going through the treatments have put years on me. I look at least my age if not older - I say that because I was one of the lucky ones as I did not age as fast as most of my friends - I always looked younger. Tim was Tim and after the 2nd degree burns to his face last year he looked like a baby. Except for his silver hair he had never looked really old.

But today, sitting across from him at lunch, I could see the age creeping in on him. His cheeks were beginning to sag and his throat looked like that of his 85 year old mom. I guess cancer hasn't just aged me.