Saturday, January 3, 2009

April

From Tim, her beloved, as she was mine

I am making a decision on Cathy's behalf that I believe she would make herself if she were here to make it.
I am removing her last post, which concerned our daughter April.
April and Cathy have had their fair share of difficulties throughout this journey, maybe more than their share.
There are a myriad of reasons behind these troubles. April has certainly battled many personal demons in recent years, and some of the scars from those battles still surface occasionally. And some of Cathy's own struggles are well documented right here on this blog.
There is no denying that they both have always been very quick to voice their opinions, often without thinking as long as one might wish beforehand.
There is also no denying that the bond between them is strong. Strong enough to have survived any attempt to disolve it, no matter how hard they sometimes tried. Cathy herself actually defended April's actions, even as she felt the hurt they caused, by writing that she believed these actions were a sub-conscious self defense to make the inevitable loss of the one person who has always believed in her easier to bear.
Cathy's last post was a response to a letter she recieved from April. She wrote the response here because she knew how much I hated the conflicts between them, and almost always tried to keep me out of them, but needed to vent her frustration somewhere.
Cathy had no way of knowing that that post would be her last one on this blog, and I believe she would not have wanted it to remain, especially after the beautiful way that they ended their time together in this physical world. Just as with my beloved and me, I know that the seperation is only here in this world. The bond will always exist. I, along with April, Timmy, and Taylor, and our grandchildren as well, will always be connected to Cathy.
I started to simply delete this post, erase all signs of it, but it tells a part of the story that Cathy wanted to tell. And a couple of the comments that follow tell a more important part of the story. When the final chapter was written the bond between Mother and Daughter, even if that bond was not born of blood, was stronger than any force that tried to break it. April was right there with Taylor and myself every moment of Cathy's last few days on this earth and the two of them shared a lifetime's worth of love and reconciliation in that oh-too-short of a time.

Cathy started her post like this -

"I have tried so hard to not let this blog become a forum for anger towards anyone - I even wrote it a few days ago. In several posts I have mentioned April or " April's attacks". I have to say/ shout this out loud and I can't talk about it to anyone in the family."

She ended it with -

"I don't even know if I would want her to be around me as the last weeks and days come to an end - hopefully that won't be for a few more years."

She obviously had a change of heart, even though she did not get the few more years we were so hoping for.
So I have kept the last words she wrote here intact as she wrote them, but I know her better than anyone else could ever dream of, and I think I have done as she would have done herself, given the opportunity.

Her journey here has ended, and it ended as she would have wanted it to. With those she loved surrounding her, including her daughter April

4 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Cathy passed away Monday afternoon Jan.12,2009,surrounded by her loved ones.She was reconciled to her daughter,April,who never left her bed-side those last few days.
Cathy was the strongest,bravest and the most courageous woman I have ever known.She was loved by many.She will be greatly missed.
Her friend, Chris E.

April Robertson said...

A birthday I will never forget is the one I had this day, January 14, 2009. This is the day me, my dad, and brothers all laid my mother, Cathy Baskin to rest. The ceremony was beautiful. Every thing that Rabbi Mark said was perfect. He truly captured the essence if mom in everything he said.
Mom you would have been proud and I hope that you are looking down on us with a tear of joy in your eye. We miss you terribly.
I am truly going to miss reading your inner thoughts on this blog. I do hope it will be forever here so that people can read your journey. I will never underestimate any disease again. Her death happened so fast and we sure didn't expect it now.
So in saying that I encourage anyone to make memories and make them good because life is just to short.
Again, I love you mom you will always be my sunshine.
Me, my dad and my brothers will survive this but you will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
forever your daughter,
April

Anonymous said...

Tim, my prayers and thoughts are with you - may you find comfort and peace in the midst of your sorrow.

(fellow bc metster)